Old people, old people, old people.
This is a topic I could rant about for ages; especially living in the city that, according to statistics, has the oldest population in the country because of the large amount of senior citizens living here.
Don't get me wrong, I've always been brought up to respect my elders. I don't suggest that anyone start shunning the elderly, but sometimes it seems like they're an entirely different species from the rest of humanity....
The Scientific & Conclusive Catalogue of the Elderly:
The Overly Nurturing Grandparent:
For women, this type of old person is perpetual trying to mother someone. She is everyone's grandmother, she may even ask those unrelated to her to call her that. Either she has a very nurturing personality or she's been neglected by her children/grandchildren. She may knit clothing items to give away as gifts. She may spend hours in the kitchen making baked goods. The red flag for this type of old woman is that she is always trying to feed you. (I fear that this is the type of elderly woman my mother is going to turn into, she's already always trying to feed me)
As an old man, this type of person is everyone's G-pa, he has a seemingly infinite store of anecdotes and stories to tell. He always has advice, even if it's not wanted. A father for everyone.
The Paranoid:
This type of old person is always suspicious of those around them. For some it's a sign of them going senile and others have always had a hint of paranoia... *cough*Melissa*cough* They are especially suspicious of teenagers and stop at nothing to show their disapproval of anyone between the ages of twelve and twenty. This type of old woman is sometimes confused with "The Crabby Old Person." A sure fire sign of the overly paranoid is repeatedly checking a receipt when they go to eat out, they're sure that they've been ripped off one way or another.
The Frail Old Person:
This is the type of person that you're always tempted to help cross the street. The one that always needs a shoulder to lean on or a hand to grasp. They're most often seen with a walker but some prefer to tough it out with a cane. This type of senior is usually so thin and petite that they looks as if they would blow away if the wind was too strong. Hugs from someone so fragile are usually brief as you're terrified that you're going to break them. A soft voice accompanied by a hacking cough is the identifying characteristic that lets you know that you're about to have your arm commandeered to help them along.
The Creeper:
This type of old person is pretty much exclusive to the old men. This is the guy that is always suspect of being a little too friendly. The other day, I had an old man drive up in a white van and offer me a ride home. I don't think I knew him... THAT is "The Creeper." These men are always suspected of being paedophiles, child molesters and sex offenders. Even if they're not any of those things, being overly friendly is always a bit creepy, especially with a stranger. This type of old man is to be avoided at all costs...
The War Veteran:
Ah, the war veteran. This type is fairly exclusive to men as well. These men can be seen standing at attention every year around Remembrance Day as they reminisce about all they've done. These men are almost more deserving of our respect than anyone else. At their age, it's sad to say that many of them aren't quite in the right mind any more but they've always got a story or two to tell. Listen well, and you'll learn something from one of these people and even if you don't wish to listen, keep your mouth shut. A story is a story and it needs to be told.
The Crabby Old Person:
This is the type of old person that EVERYONE dreads dealing with. Having worked in the food service industry for two years, I can honestly say that some old people are the most annoying creatures on the planet. They are incredibly rude to almost everyone they meet. Some of these people are prejudiced and from some of the looks I've gotten, I'd bet that they were racist as well. These backwards old bats can only be described as anti-progress.
The Gossip:
I think everyone knows the gossiping old person that is so bored in their retirement that they've built a complex gossip ring connected to everyone that they've known in the past thirty years.. They probably spend a great deal of time chit-chatting with grocery store clerks, their doctors, the mail man, bus drivers and even perfect strangers. They always seem to know something they shouldn't and can't seem to keep their mouths shut about it. While at times very entertaining, "The Gossip" can be equally irritating when you're on the wrong side of the gossip ring.
The Incredibly Entitled:
This type of elderly person can be quite irritating. They seem to think that they're old age has earned them some sort of status in life. They feel like they're entitled to everything, and if they're not then they feel like they've been personally attacked. They always seem to want something from you, like surviving to their age is an accomplishment in itself and should be rewarded.
The Attached at The Hip Couple:
These are undoubtedly my favourite type of old people. This is the sweet, old couple that you see walking down the street hand in hand; so obviously in love after many years of marriage. They are, in my opinion, incredibly adorable and pretty much one of the only things that gives me faith in humanity's ability to truly love.
The Spry Old Person:
This type of old person is pretty kick-ass, I have to say. They're the type of old person that's still fighting at the age of eighty, whether or not they're perfectly healthy. They can be seen doing crazy things like sky diving or possibly just walking around town with a walker. They're the type of person with an independent spirit. They want to do everything for themselves even if they don't really have the ability to do it. They're incredibly non-irritating and pretty interesting to talk to. Everyone should aspire to be this type of old person.
In conclusion: An old person can be the bane of your existence or the most interesting person you've ever met. Either way, either respect them or keep your mouth shut because realistically, they don't have that much time left... :P How would you feel if they died right after you mouthed off to one of them? I sure don't want that on my conscience.
Anyways.. rant complete. CHEERS.
